Why Farmers Are Often Lean...

 

A typical morning goes something like this...

1. Walk slowly down the stairs at 6 AM.
2. Open the gate for the three milk cows.
3. Sprint back to house for the forgotten milk jars. Hopefully the cows remain happy while you're gone.
4. Sprint back to the barn to milk the three cows.
5. Dodge 6 wet tail slaps, jump up to rescue the milk pail from a well-aimed kick.
6. Get up every 5 minutes to either dodge or scoop certain presents from the three cows.
7. Return three cows to the barn.
8. Fill calf bottles with milk and jog to the calf barn from which you have been hearing three calves moo in unison every 10 seconds the entire time you've been milking.
9. Vault over the stall door twice to rescue calf bottle lids which an overeager calf yanked off in its' happiness over being fed.
10. Climb the stack of hay bales to fork hay to the calves.
11. Carry three bales of hay to the cow barn.
12. Wheel a bale of alfalfa to the cow barn.
13. Get stuck in the mud and lose your boot.
14. Carry alfalfa to the calves.
15. Turn on the water for the cows.
16. Carry a bucket of water to the calves.
17. Haul two wheelbarrows of wood shavings to the cows. Lose your other boot to the mud's evil designs.
18. Chase after the Holstein that escaped out the open gate while your back was turned.
19. Chase the said Holstein out of the barn when she tries to hog all the food.
20. Sprint over to turn off the water which is now overflowing the trough.
21. Refill the bucket which the calves knocked over.
22. Skim cream for the days' customers.
23. Clean up the milk parlor.
24. Walk leisurely back to the house for a home-cooked meal.
25. Sprint back out to the milk parlor because you forgot to bring milk in for breakfast.