The Belly

I always wondered why pregnant women get so psyched about The Belly...

 ...you know the type - takes pictures of her bare belly and posts them all over the internet with little cutesy hearts everywhere...

 ...every other woman who has ever been pregnant or had any contact with babies in the past 2 centuries wants to touch the 'sacred belly'...

 ... now I most definitely know what's up with The Belly.

You could just be sitting enjoying some R & R, when suddenly a 4 pound, 16 inch Ninja in your stomach decides he needs to spice up Mommy's boring life with a little action... namely rolling, kicking and punching relentlessly while you interject an occasional 'oomph', and your tightly stretched tummy skin seethes like an ocean hurricane. Sometimes you wake up in the morning to a hard bump making your belly jut out in strange fashion, while your little Ninja meditates with a foot or knee locked motionlessly in place. No amount of poking or prodding can convince him that he should move.

And heaven forbid you should encroach on baby's personal space. Seatbelts, waistbands, table edge, laptop, you name it... it goin' down with one karate chop after another until Mom decides to back down and lose the fight.

Then there's the crying... oh how the pregnant belly can turn the most even-tempered woman into a helpless, sobbing, irrational creature whose world ends about once every 3 hours. Feel one little kick at the wrong moment, and suddenly she's a rotten mother with no chance of making it through this pregnancy let alone 18+ years of motherhood to the helpless little angel who has no idea what awaits it out in the hard, cruel world.

 Husbands, I am truly sorry for what you have to endure at times because of The Belly. Suddenly your wife seems to cease caring much about anything that is not directly related to 'baby', 'breastfeeding', or 'birthing supplies'. Every other minute during a conversation she is either lovingly rubbing and looking down at The Belly or in sugary tones exclaiming, "aww... Baby kicking!".

Most of the time this is all pretty awesome, but at all times it is turn-your-world-upside-down crazy.

Yep, all thanks to The Belly.